Thursday, February 28, 2019
Textual Conversation
One of the things that I really don't like about texting is that there is seldom an actual end to the conversation. Instead of ending like an in-person conversation where two people say goodbye and walk away from each other, the textual conversation may end because one person drops their phone in the sink just as well as it may end with that same person being angry at the other, or maybe they just got bored and stopped replying. You never know because there is not really a beginning or an end. Shouldn't conversation be better than that?
Wednesday, February 20, 2019
I'm Trying to Dream Again
Odd things have happened to me since I've last written on this blog. I'm definitely a very different person than I was in 2016, and when I got back from serving as a missionary I didn't want to come back here to this blog because I wanted to be a new man - a different man than I was before. Like an old page in a beloved diary, I thought that this place was out of space to write anything more on.
Now I've come back, however, because there's something about the old posts that makes my insides stir with excitement and my mind begin to wonder and marvel at the world again like it used to. Really what I'm trying to say is that the things I have written here make me want to dream again because they are the dreams of my youth and I feel like I've forgotten how to dream as I've grown.
Have you ever thought of what it would be like to lay in a field of dandelions in full bloom? I can see it in my mind if I try. The picture that I see is of a landscape with rolling hills covered in yellow blossoms that smell sweet when you lay down in them and leave little green indents in the yellow carpet as you walk through. If you lay down, it's almost as if the carpet envelops you, hiding you, sheltering you from the eyes of those who would not understand your dreaming. This is what it's like to dream.
I've come back to this blog because I want to remind myself what it is to dream up a field of dandelions and fall in love with a woman with my heart. I feel like I've put away my ability to do both of those things, and I think that this was a fair and just thing to do as a missionary. But I am not a missionary anymore. Sometime I'll have to let myself fall more in love than my typical cycle of getting to know somebody just well enough to prove to myself that I should move along before I risk getting hurt.
The pain, I think, comes from commitment to action which is made impossible by the actions of somebody else and that's terrifying because I can't control it. What's worse is that there is no formula for love which means that I can't make a girl fall in love with me; she has to do that on her own. There are things outside of me which no amount of thought or worry can control, yet I can influence those things and I do every time I act.
There's another matter which has weighed upon my mind recently. It's a matter of eloquence and romance. I'm terrified of saying things that aren't true to a woman. I don't think I've told any woman since I left on my mission that I love her, except those who are members of my family and maybe two or three others who are dear friends of mine and have been for a long time. Not even in a friendly way have I said it. I don't think I've given hugs to more than a few women since I've been at BYU, and most of those are also old friends or acquaintances and that's odd for me because before my mission I hugged people like a minute hand moves. Now I don't. I just don't want to lie about how I feel. The thought of someone falling in love with me because they misinterpreted my communications to them is a thought that I don't like very much. I'm far colder in my interactions with women than I was before. Is that a good thing? I don't know.
What I do know is that I don't get excited about my relationships like I used to and when I say excited what I mean is that I don't dream because that's what excitement really is. Nobody is more excited than the wide-eyed dreamer. To him the heavens open and the Earth is beautiful. That's what I'm going for here. I want to be like that again. I know it won't be the same - there are things about me that should not go back to the way they were - but dreams and wide-eyed wonder are the shining attributes of children and lovers, and someday I'll be both of those. I'll be wise like an old man, too.
As for right now, it just feels good to write. I'm really thankful for having a blog to write on.
Have a nice day.
-Dallin
Now I've come back, however, because there's something about the old posts that makes my insides stir with excitement and my mind begin to wonder and marvel at the world again like it used to. Really what I'm trying to say is that the things I have written here make me want to dream again because they are the dreams of my youth and I feel like I've forgotten how to dream as I've grown.
Have you ever thought of what it would be like to lay in a field of dandelions in full bloom? I can see it in my mind if I try. The picture that I see is of a landscape with rolling hills covered in yellow blossoms that smell sweet when you lay down in them and leave little green indents in the yellow carpet as you walk through. If you lay down, it's almost as if the carpet envelops you, hiding you, sheltering you from the eyes of those who would not understand your dreaming. This is what it's like to dream.
I've come back to this blog because I want to remind myself what it is to dream up a field of dandelions and fall in love with a woman with my heart. I feel like I've put away my ability to do both of those things, and I think that this was a fair and just thing to do as a missionary. But I am not a missionary anymore. Sometime I'll have to let myself fall more in love than my typical cycle of getting to know somebody just well enough to prove to myself that I should move along before I risk getting hurt.
The pain, I think, comes from commitment to action which is made impossible by the actions of somebody else and that's terrifying because I can't control it. What's worse is that there is no formula for love which means that I can't make a girl fall in love with me; she has to do that on her own. There are things outside of me which no amount of thought or worry can control, yet I can influence those things and I do every time I act.
There's another matter which has weighed upon my mind recently. It's a matter of eloquence and romance. I'm terrified of saying things that aren't true to a woman. I don't think I've told any woman since I left on my mission that I love her, except those who are members of my family and maybe two or three others who are dear friends of mine and have been for a long time. Not even in a friendly way have I said it. I don't think I've given hugs to more than a few women since I've been at BYU, and most of those are also old friends or acquaintances and that's odd for me because before my mission I hugged people like a minute hand moves. Now I don't. I just don't want to lie about how I feel. The thought of someone falling in love with me because they misinterpreted my communications to them is a thought that I don't like very much. I'm far colder in my interactions with women than I was before. Is that a good thing? I don't know.
What I do know is that I don't get excited about my relationships like I used to and when I say excited what I mean is that I don't dream because that's what excitement really is. Nobody is more excited than the wide-eyed dreamer. To him the heavens open and the Earth is beautiful. That's what I'm going for here. I want to be like that again. I know it won't be the same - there are things about me that should not go back to the way they were - but dreams and wide-eyed wonder are the shining attributes of children and lovers, and someday I'll be both of those. I'll be wise like an old man, too.
As for right now, it just feels good to write. I'm really thankful for having a blog to write on.
Have a nice day.
-Dallin
Friday, February 8, 2019
Emperors Want to Conquer
It makes sense that emperors want to conquer. Imagine that France had won and controlled the entire American continent in the French and Indian War, leaving England without colonies. The economic development which could have formed out of such a success could have elevated France to a position of sufficient power to expand in Europe, taking control of the other countries around them.
Going along the same lines, if England still controlled the American continent, it is not a far stretch to think that they may now control a much greater share of the known world through empirical expansion.
If England kept the colonies, France may have one day ceased to exist.
If France kept the colonies, England may have one day ceased to exist.
What kinds of incredible knowledge and culture would be lost if all the world were English?
Even if they are greedy blowhards, emperors and kings serve an important purpose when they expand their power and lands: they preserve their culture and belief systems from being destroyed by the other cultures and belief systems.
It is as if all of the empires of the world check and balance each other with war to keep their ideas alive. I'm not a proponent of war or conquest, (in fact, all of the good things about war would be accomplished just as well if nobody ever went to war because nobody would attack and destroy other people and their beliefs) but I see now how it benefits society, culture, and human knowledge.
It makes sense that emperors conquer.
Going along the same lines, if England still controlled the American continent, it is not a far stretch to think that they may now control a much greater share of the known world through empirical expansion.
If England kept the colonies, France may have one day ceased to exist.
If France kept the colonies, England may have one day ceased to exist.
What kinds of incredible knowledge and culture would be lost if all the world were English?
Even if they are greedy blowhards, emperors and kings serve an important purpose when they expand their power and lands: they preserve their culture and belief systems from being destroyed by the other cultures and belief systems.
It is as if all of the empires of the world check and balance each other with war to keep their ideas alive. I'm not a proponent of war or conquest, (in fact, all of the good things about war would be accomplished just as well if nobody ever went to war because nobody would attack and destroy other people and their beliefs) but I see now how it benefits society, culture, and human knowledge.
It makes sense that emperors conquer.
Wednesday, February 6, 2019
You Are Not Alone
Remember who you’re dependent on.
For food, you ought to thank the farmer. For life, you ought to thank God. For education, you ought to thank the teacher. For love, you ought to thank those who love you. Remember that you are not alone as long as you are alive - and you will be alive forever.
Everything you touch was made to remind you that you will never be alone because you depend on someone, and someone depends on you. If you don’t believe me, that’s fine! But if you do nothing in the world with your life, one day you will look back and see the people who needed you.
Maybe you can’t understand it now, but there are people who need you in exactly the same way that you need them. You are not alone.
For food, you ought to thank the farmer. For life, you ought to thank God. For education, you ought to thank the teacher. For love, you ought to thank those who love you. Remember that you are not alone as long as you are alive - and you will be alive forever.
Everything you touch was made to remind you that you will never be alone because you depend on someone, and someone depends on you. If you don’t believe me, that’s fine! But if you do nothing in the world with your life, one day you will look back and see the people who needed you.
Maybe you can’t understand it now, but there are people who need you in exactly the same way that you need them. You are not alone.
Sunday, February 3, 2019
College Week Four
Hi all. :D
It's been a few weeks since I've written about college here. I'm sorry about that. I have never been so busy in all of my life and I'm adjusting to that.
This week was so good. It was also the first week that I've fallen significantly behind on my schoolwork, but I have plans to make that better this week.
I've found that how I begin my day has a big impact on how my day goes. It doesn't determine it 100%, but it does have a large effect. My best days start like this:
5:30am: Wake up, pray, exercise.
6:15: Shower, dress.
6:45: Daily Planning.
7:15: Scripture Study, breakfast.
8:00: First class of the day.
This schedule always leaves me a little short on breakfast time, and I really like to cook and have good breakfasts, so I'm wondering if it would be better for me to get up at 5:00 and have an extra half-hour in the morning for breakfast, and then I can take a half-hour nap in the afternoon to compensate for a lack of sleep in the night. That sounds like a really good idea to me because this week I experimented quite heavily with naps. Seeing as I hardly slept more than six hours any night this week, (Even sleeping only three hours on Thursday night) I attempted the half-hour mid-day nap, (Which is something I've never been a fan of doing) and found that I really enjoyed it. It gave me a really nice restart in the middle of the day that kept me going on very little sleep.
My best days also have good endings. They end like this:
9:00pm: Begin getting ready for bed.
9:15: Write in journal.
9:30: Pray, go to sleep.
I think that if I changed the schedule to a 10:00 bedtime and a 5:00 wake-up time and supplemented it with a mid-day nap, that would be a really effective schedule for me. This week I'm going to try it. I'll let you know how it goes. :D
One of my professors really impressed me this week. Dr. Kimball, (My American Heritage professor) said hello to me as we found ourselves walking in the same direction on campus and he took enough interest in me to ask me about my day and how things are going for me in his class. He remembered me. I feel like that's a rare professor who cares enough for his students to take the time to acknowledge them like that on campus. Thanks, Dr. Kimball!
I also went home this week, (On Thursday) coming back to BYU the very same day. It was a long drive, and I left my Spanish textbook and laptop charger at home when I left, but it was really good to see my family. Enoch wrestled so well, and I got to wrestle with him after it was all over!
Anyway, tomorrow beings soon, I have to go. Thanks for reading!
Sorry, no pictures this week. :D
Have a great evening!
It's been a few weeks since I've written about college here. I'm sorry about that. I have never been so busy in all of my life and I'm adjusting to that.
This week was so good. It was also the first week that I've fallen significantly behind on my schoolwork, but I have plans to make that better this week.
I've found that how I begin my day has a big impact on how my day goes. It doesn't determine it 100%, but it does have a large effect. My best days start like this:
5:30am: Wake up, pray, exercise.
6:15: Shower, dress.
6:45: Daily Planning.
7:15: Scripture Study, breakfast.
8:00: First class of the day.
This schedule always leaves me a little short on breakfast time, and I really like to cook and have good breakfasts, so I'm wondering if it would be better for me to get up at 5:00 and have an extra half-hour in the morning for breakfast, and then I can take a half-hour nap in the afternoon to compensate for a lack of sleep in the night. That sounds like a really good idea to me because this week I experimented quite heavily with naps. Seeing as I hardly slept more than six hours any night this week, (Even sleeping only three hours on Thursday night) I attempted the half-hour mid-day nap, (Which is something I've never been a fan of doing) and found that I really enjoyed it. It gave me a really nice restart in the middle of the day that kept me going on very little sleep.
My best days also have good endings. They end like this:
9:00pm: Begin getting ready for bed.
9:15: Write in journal.
9:30: Pray, go to sleep.
I think that if I changed the schedule to a 10:00 bedtime and a 5:00 wake-up time and supplemented it with a mid-day nap, that would be a really effective schedule for me. This week I'm going to try it. I'll let you know how it goes. :D
One of my professors really impressed me this week. Dr. Kimball, (My American Heritage professor) said hello to me as we found ourselves walking in the same direction on campus and he took enough interest in me to ask me about my day and how things are going for me in his class. He remembered me. I feel like that's a rare professor who cares enough for his students to take the time to acknowledge them like that on campus. Thanks, Dr. Kimball!
I also went home this week, (On Thursday) coming back to BYU the very same day. It was a long drive, and I left my Spanish textbook and laptop charger at home when I left, but it was really good to see my family. Enoch wrestled so well, and I got to wrestle with him after it was all over!
Anyway, tomorrow beings soon, I have to go. Thanks for reading!
Sorry, no pictures this week. :D
Have a great evening!