A Problem of Collective Omnipotence

 I wonder if modern society faces a problem of collective omniscience. If I don’t know the answer to a question, somebody online probably does, and they’ve probably written about it. I can read their answer. In this world where so many questions are answered, it is almost as if man himself has become the omniscient one, and it is hard to believe in a God whose answers do not come so readily. In many ways, it seems unnecessary to believe. This problem is compounded by the ease with which criticisms of any faith are accessed and digested. How can man be expected to believe in a faith that neither has clear answers about human existence nor a clean history and consistent doctrine? The internet is cleaner and more understandable than a supernatural God; it is less reproachable because it stands for nothing which might make of it a hypocrite. Through this genius means of communication, mankind himself has provided and will provide the answers that a God in heaven is unable, unwilling, or uncaring enough to give.

And so we have a creature who, for the strength of his own intelligence, will not look to God. I don't blame him, but I do not want to be him. I would be an Alyosha, and not an Ivan.

Mocking cannot change the truth

It seems that there must be an objective truth in the world, and if there is, no amount of mocking or denial could ever change that truth. Man cannot, for example, mock gravity; his only choice is to abide by the limitations which gravity imposes upon the world. If, in the relationship between man and the truth, man is the only one who can change and the only one who can die, then man should consider very carefully the consequences of attempting to live independently from the truth. 

If Jesus is the truth, living apart from Him would then have dire consequences. We should consider those consequences carefully.

A Return to Blogging, But Only For a Minute

It's been a really long time since I published here; I had forgotten how much my past self published on the world wide web. Reading through some of my old posts, I find some interesting pieces of memory, and marvel at how it conflicts with my current memories of those time periods. A lot of my earliest posts carried a deep sense of isolation, but I don't remember that isolation today as I must have experienced it back then. In my eyes today, teenage me was an awkward, innocent and sensitive soul, full of good intentions, harsh judgements, and lofty ideals. Present me doesn't agree with past me about everything I published, and I find much of it to be somewhat embarrassing, and endearing in an awkward way. Little me was trying to figure out the world, just in a manner a little more innocent than present me. 

The world is a really complicated place, and I haven't figured it out yet. But, I'm thankful for the opportunity to try. 

Since my last post, I worked in Alaska, my best friend from my childhood died, I got through a couple more years of college, I married a woman who is better than I deserved, I worked a sprinkler and backflow job, my wife and I had a beautiful little baby, I applied for my first real job (didn't get it, but that's okay), and my Dad died. It's been quite a journey.

I don't know if I'll get back to posting here soon. My suspicion is that it will be a long time. It is, however, nice to check in. I loved writing this blog. 

If you're reading this, and you decide to go into the deep dark archives of my publications, I implore you to take my past self with a gentle humor. He was a good kid. Though it's a bit embarrassing for me, I'm not going to take anything down that he wrote, because I know it's a futile effort thanks to the Wayback Machine on the Internet Archive, and the other internet sites that will have taken screenshots of my blog. Like it or not, those things I published are out there forever. And, that's okay. It took a lot of time to become a better person than I used to be, and there were a lot of bumps along the road. This blog is a great evidence of that.

Next year will be a decade of blogging. Here's to a decade, friends.

Truth as a Primary Motive

Any movement whose primary motive is not the truth will vary from the truth. Many causes will take a sliver of truth as their rallying point but then diverge from the truth in their message. Take Black Lives Matter, for example. It's an organization that rallies around a fundamental truth: the lives of black people really do matter. Then it makes further, less-true claims such as: white people are racist by simply being silent about racism, black people are racists if they don't agree with Black Lives Matter, America is a fundamentally racist country, etc. Black Lives Matter isn't devoted to speaking the truth and only the truth, and because truth isn't their primary objective, many half-truths are morally permissible in their organization. The same is true for other organizations.

I wonder, in what ways am I like Black Lives Matter? Which half-truths are morally permissible in my view of the world, and how can I devote myself more fully to the truth? What are the consequences of the lies that I allow myself to believe, and how would my life be different if I instead sought out the truth?

Focus and the Advantage of Necessity

Every disadvantage comes with a hidden advantage, and it's up to each man whether he will wallow in his disadvantage or find strength in the advantage that he has. Wallowing is not worth it because the hidden advantage is always there; the unconquered man will take it.

A disadvantage that I have is that I consistently have a hard time focusing on tasks and goals. This is especially apparent in my schooling, where I often allow thoughts and ideas unrelated to my studies to distract me from the homework at hand. The advantages, however, are enormous.
This tenancy to get distracted easily allows me to make connections between seemingly unrelated points that more focused people have a hard time making. It helps me to learn and experiment with new ideas and concepts, and I love that. Today I realized that lately it's given me another advantage: the advantage of necessity.
The advantage of necessity is the superhuman advantage given to a person when they have no choice but to perform or to fail. It's the same advantage that opens the mind of every student who has 2 hours to write a procrastinated paper, and allows indebted people to work two full time jobs to pay the bills.
In my case, the advantage of necessity operates in this way: I want to do well in my classes, and between school, work and Alyssa, I have a heavy load. I can choose to not focus and still get all of those things done, but I pay for it in lack of sleep, and lack of sleep over time makes my struggle to focus into a virtual inability to focus. Thus, sleep is essential. To get sleep, I must manage my time well. To manage my time well, I have to be able to trust myself that I'm going to do what I said I was going to do when I said I was going to do it. Thus, I have to focus. The need for sleep has finally become a need to focus, and now I have an advantage.
Focus is a struggle and a trial for me, but I'm thankful for the advantage that lies behind it. I will not be conquered by this.

Trust and the Cost of Peace

I yearn for the trials that will bring me to trust God with all of my heart, might, mind and strength. I think that somehow, if I could learn that, I could finally find peace.
What, then, is the cost of peace? Wilt Thou charge me it, Lord?

A Non-Married Man's Ideals Regarding Marriage

There is a certain ideal that I am determined to live as a married man. It is this:

To my darling wife,

If you suffer, I will suffer with you.
If you make a mistake, I will take responsibility for it with you.
If you are persecuted, I will put myself with you to be persecuted with you.
If you have a dream, I will chase it with you.
If you rejoice, I will rejoice with you.
I will not blame you nor will I speak poorly of you to other people.
I will not ignore you nor will I treat you as a lesser than I.
I will not belittle you, nor will I force you to do my will.
In short, I will love you as very best as I can, and I will be with you.

My limitations are human, and I'll have to ask you to suffer me as I make my own mistakes as well, but my love I will try to be the kind of man who is always true to God and because of faithfulness to Him I will be faithful to you. You must understand that He's the one who taught me to love other people and be with them, and I've been an imperfect student, but I am learning. You and He and I, together we will make a team, and we will run this race together.
In the end, it will have been better that, whichever paths we take, we take them together. Let's make it happen that way.

I love you, dearest.
-Dallin

Talking About Homosexuality

There is something wrong about the way in which we talk about homosexuality. We talk about "being" gay, and I fear that this is not an accurate description of reality so much as it is a linguistic tool of the Devil designed to confuse the children of God about who they are.
Men and women are children of God, and that's the best way to define them as a whole. Who they are and what they have are two very different things.
For example, a man may be a child of God and yet have temptations to become angry with other people. Such anger is not part of the being of such a man, but rather a poor choice that he makes on occasion. We may refer to him as an angry man, but our words cannot make anger part of his identity any more than our words can darken the sun; he is simply a child of God regardless of his human temptations.
The same may be said of people who struggle with homosexual temptations. No man is gay nor is any woman lesbian, but rather they are children of God who have sexual temptations towards people of their same gender, and if we would talk about their struggle less as a problem of identity and more as an overcomable temptation then perhaps fewer people would feel isolated and alone when such temptations arise; perhaps more people would be able to find help to overcome the temptation.
Let us consider the odd assumption it is to define a person's being by the temptations which they receive. In doing so, we allow not their Creator to define them, but the Devil who wishes to destroy them, for God gave them no such temptations and defined them in no such way. Any definition of a human being which does not come from God is prone to be a lie, for Satan is a liar, but God is not. Thus, humans ought to be defined with God's terms, and not the Devil's.
As we speak of such cases in the future, let us speak of humans who have a temptation, but not humans who are by definition in contrary to the law of their Creator, for He created no such person. Let us not fall into Lucifer's trap of defining people by their temptations, but rather let us glean their identity from the One who gave it to them. From this Giver, and only from Him, will we finally know the truth of the matter, and the truth will set us all free.

Writing and Transformation

I love to write because writing is the transformation of my ideas and feelings into a format that other people can read and understand. It clears my head and helps me to think. It also gives me perspective on my own problems because sometimes I can see through my writing how flawed I really am. Each time it's an experience that changes me, and I long for those moments. 

Sometimes writing even scares me because I don't know what ideas or beliefs I'll have at the end of what I write, but that's just fine because if I feel unsure about an idea I can just write more things and eventually I come to a solution.

The transformation of ideas within me changes me, and some of those who read it feel that change too. I like that a lot.

Observations of Light

I love to watch as the sunlight filters through my windows in the morning, filling the empty darkness with soft, clear light. Have you ever sat in the place where the light lands when it streaks through the window and observed it as it enters? If you sit and watch for long enough, you'll begin to notice the dust particles that float like little ships on a sea of air, ships like unto shadows; only visible in the direct sunlight. Once I waved my hands violently through the sea of light and a tsunami ensued, throwing the little ships this way and that beneath the terrible winds of my hands.
Sometimes dust can look like stars too if you can catch it right, though dust produces no light of itself. It makes me think that perhaps the stars in the sky don't produce light of their own so much as they reflect the light of the Creator.

The Union - a Poem of New Beginnings

Once there was a blogger with too many blogs,

He knew not quite what to do.

For he loved each one dearly and wrote on them all,

In the heights of his visions they grew.

So one day he took them and made them all one,

He lost not a post from any.

And now all his dreams are kept in the same place,

Come check one out, there are plenty!

Change in the Church of Christ

We need not worry about changes which are made in the Church of Christ, for this Church has a history of change. Moses, for example, was given a lower law and Christ, years later, repealed that law. If God could have His way, I believe that He would only give one law to mankind, which law is, “Love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, might, mind and strength”. Because of mankind’s inability to understand this one overarching law, however, God gives us lower laws to help us understand that one law better. Thus, the lower laws may be adjusted to meet the needs and understanding of the people for whom they are written. We are those people, and are members of the Restored Church of Christ, and yet we still do not understand that one important law. Therefore, we should expect change still. There will always be change until we live the law.

All Things Come to Light

It doesn't concern me very much whether the Gospel of Jesus Christ is absolutely true or not in the short term because of the fact that all truth comes to light in the lens of time. If the Gospel is false, then one day I'll know it, but until that day comes, what need have I to hastily make a change of my beliefs? There is no hurry to know the absolute truth for we are eternal beings, and we will need all eternity to learn it. If we are not eternal beings, then this little time of life is rather insignificant, isn't it? It seems improbable that a man could comprehend all truth while still in this mortal state regardless of how much he studied or thought, so it must take eternity to do.
In the New Testament, the Pharisee Gamaliel made a very strong case for the idea of truth coming to light at a trial of Peter and John in Jerusalem shortly after the resurrection of the Savior. The body of the Chief Priests desired to take the apostles' lives for preaching of Jesus Christ, and in midst of the rapture of such bloodlust Gamaliel stands and warns,

Ye men of Israel, take heed to yourselves what ye intend to do as touching these men. For before these days rose up Theudas, boasting himself to be somebody; to whom a number of men, about four hundred, joined themselves: who was slain; and all, as many as obeyed him, were scattered, and brought to nought. After this man rose up Judas of Galilee in the days of the taxing, and drew away much people after him: he also perished; and all, even as many as obeyed him, were dispersed. And now I say unto you, Refrain from these men, and let them alone: for if this counsel or this work be of men, it will come to nought: But if it be of God, ye cannot overthrow it; lest haply ye be found even to fight against God.

It is clear from the text that Gamaliel believed this same basic principle: all truth is known in time. If Christ's doctrine was true, it would grow and be known. There are plenty of modern examples of such truth coming to light. Here's a simple one: There are people in the world who believe that because Eve was created with one of Adam's ribs, all men have one less rib than their female counterparts. For hundreds of years, this idea was taught as a doctrine and everyone believed it until someone actually counted the ribs of people and found that it wasn't true. Was it immoral for people with this understanding to believe in it? No, it wasn't! Now, however, it's a very well documented fact that the number of ribs is the same, so why would we keep believing the old idea?

I really like this idea that truth is known in time because it gives me liberty to explore, read, think, and know. Even if I do believe in something that is false, eventually it will be shown to me and I will know the truth! When I have this idea in mind, I can talk to anyone about anything and not be afraid because I know that at the end of the conversation I'll understand something that is more true and probably something that is more false. When I don't remember this principle, it becomes difficult for me to talk about things that I don't agree with because I feel uncomfortable with the new ideas. We mustn't fear new ideas, friends, we must put them on trial.
Christ said, "If any man will do his will, he shall know of the doctrine, whether it be of God, or whether I speak of myself." That is how we know: we try, and under trial all things come to be known--whether they be of darkness or of light. So what is the light that you've found, and how did you come to find it? What truths do you yet desire to know? How would your life change if you knew what you want to know, and how could you help others with it?

A Strange Species

As I sit here alone, my thoughts come in a blinding clarity of light. Could I ever be as honest to your face as I am with myself when I'm alone? Could I ever tell you to your face that I think that lots of physical contact in dating is lots of fun too, but also that I'm not comfortable with all of it and that I'd rather not get too involved in that way with you? Could I ever tell you when we're together that I feel awkward about relationships and dating and that I'm not as confident in dating as I am in other aspects of my life? Could I ever tell you that I've never had a girlfriend before and that I don't know how all of this begins or ends and what role I ought to play in it?
It's amazing how your presence changes my thoughts. What once was clear so quickly is muddled, and I find myself struggling to remember anything but how nice it is to be with you. Oh, woman. I am a strange species indeed.

Love Is

There was once a single lady with two children who worked very hard to maintain them, traveling a long distance and working long hours every day to do so. Her little family didn't have much, in fact they barely made it from one day to the next, but somehow they made it each day.
One day she was offered a job in a closer city, perhaps even a job with better pay, and as she went into the interview she spotted another woman who clearly was in dire need of a job. "We really like you, you've got the job!" said the interviewer to the lady as the interview closed. She paused for a moment and replied, "No, I think you should give it to the other woman. She'll do it just fine, and she needs it more than I do."
This lady had the power to improve her life, and the only cost would have been to say yes. She had no moral obligation to turn the job down like she did, the other woman probably could have found work elsewhere. Nevertheless, having the power to take the job she used it to bless the other woman.
That's what love is, I think.

Love is to have power and to give it away so that someone else may be blessed.

RootsTech, Repentance, and a Letter to Mr. Obama

Today I was thinking about RootsTech and the amazing things that are happening there. Following that train of thought, I began to wonder about what RootsTech could do to bring an even more interesting presenter and a wider audience to their venue in years to come. Then I thought, what if Barack Obama were to present at RootsTech? He's certainly got an interesting family history story, and he'd bring a wide venue of spectators to the conference.
Then I thought, oh no. He could never present at RootsTech. The outspoken conservative members of the Church may just boo him off the stage, and even if they didn't, they'd probably criticize him whether what he said at the conference had to do with what he did as president or not. That led me to another interesting question, one that has lead me to some introspection.

If Barack Obama were to join the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, would we accept him?

Would I accept him? Would my family accept him? If he showed up on our doorstep asking for help, would we give it to him? In my family, we're certainly not his political supporters, but could we be his brothers and sisters?
What about on a local level? What would be said of him in the ward that he would attend? What if he were called as bishop or elders quorum president? Would the members sustain him? Do we as members of the church have the moral strength to love and serve someone who most of us so strongly disagree with in such a profound way?
We should. Jesus said, "Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;"
My friends, I have to repent. Perhaps we as a church need to repent. Even if it wasn't Barack Obama who joined the church, what if Hillary Clinton did? How about someone like Alex Jones, who is so disgustingly far on the other side of the political spectrum? Would we compromise our morals and values and promises to love God and our fellowmen in order to exclude these people? What kind of people does that make us then? Who would we become?
"Love thine enemies", Christ said.

Mr. Obama,
I disagree with you on a fundamental level that we may never see eye to eye about. I think that you did bad things to the country that my family and I love and live in. I think that because of you, I am less free as an American and that bothers me because I worry about the freedom of my unborn children. What will American freedom look like for them in 30 years? I think that you made it worse for them, but you are my brother and I am determined to love you.
I'm really sorry for all of the rude comments and jokes that I've made about you since you ran for president. I'm sorry that I criticized you. I'm sorry that I didn't look harder for something good about you.
I promise that if you ever come to my church or show up at my doorstep, I'll help you out how I can and I will treat you as my brother. Maybe while we're at it, we can go backpacking too and we can talk in the mountains where men can really speak and be heard, and maybe we could understand each other. Maybe we could even be friends, and maybe not. I'll love you anyway.
Take care, Mr. President. You're welcome in my home and my church, and I do hope that one day you get the chance to visit. Just don't plan on getting a cup of coffee with me.
Regards,
Dallin Ward

Textual Conversation

One of the things that I really don't like about texting is that there is seldom an actual end to the conversation. Instead of ending like an in-person conversation where two people say goodbye and walk away from each other, the textual conversation may end because one person drops their phone in the sink just as well as it may end with that same person being angry at the other, or maybe they just got bored and stopped replying. You never know because there is not really a beginning or an end. Shouldn't conversation be better than that?

I'm Trying to Dream Again

Odd things have happened to me since I've last written on this blog. I'm definitely a very different person than I was in 2016, and when I got back from serving as a missionary I didn't want to come back here to this blog because I wanted to be a new man - a different man than I was before. Like an old page in a beloved diary, I thought that this place was out of space to write anything more on.
Now I've come back, however, because there's something about the old posts that makes my insides stir with excitement and my mind begin to wonder and marvel at the world again like it used to. Really what I'm trying to say is that the things I have written here make me want to dream again because they are the dreams of my youth and I feel like I've forgotten how to dream as I've grown.
Have you ever thought of what it would be like to lay in a field of dandelions in full bloom? I can see it in my mind if I try. The picture that I see is of a landscape with rolling hills covered in yellow blossoms that smell sweet when you lay down in them and leave little green indents in the yellow carpet as you walk through. If you lay down, it's almost as if the carpet envelops you, hiding you, sheltering you from the eyes of those who would not understand your dreaming. This is what it's like to dream.
I've come back to this blog because I want to remind myself what it is to dream up a field of dandelions and fall in love with a woman with my heart. I feel like I've put away my ability to do both of those things, and I think that this was a fair and just thing to do as a missionary. But I am not a missionary anymore. Sometime I'll have to let myself fall more in love than my typical cycle of getting to know somebody just well enough to prove to myself that I should move along before I risk getting hurt.
The pain, I think, comes from commitment to action which is made impossible by the actions of somebody else and that's terrifying because I can't control it. What's worse is that there is no formula for love which means that I can't make a girl fall in love with me; she has to do that on her own. There are things outside of me which no amount of thought or worry can control, yet I can influence those things and I do every time I act.
There's another matter which has weighed upon my mind recently. It's a matter of eloquence and romance. I'm terrified of saying things that aren't true to a woman. I don't think I've told any woman since I left on my mission that I love her, except those who are members of my family and maybe two or three others who are dear friends of mine and have been for a long time. Not even in a friendly way have I said it. I don't think I've given hugs to more than a few women since I've been at BYU, and most of those are also old friends or acquaintances and that's odd for me because before my mission I hugged people like a minute hand moves. Now I don't. I just don't want to lie about how I feel. The thought of someone falling in love with me because they misinterpreted my communications to them is a thought that I don't like very much. I'm far colder in my interactions with women than I was before. Is that a good thing? I don't know.
What I do know is that I don't get excited about my relationships like I used to and when I say excited what I mean is that I don't dream because that's what excitement really is. Nobody is more excited than the wide-eyed dreamer. To him the heavens open and the Earth is beautiful. That's what I'm going for here. I want to be like that again. I know it won't be the same - there are things about me that should not go back to the way they were - but dreams and wide-eyed wonder are the shining attributes of children and lovers, and someday I'll be both of those. I'll be wise like an old man, too.
As for right now, it just feels good to write. I'm really thankful for having a blog to write on.
Have a nice day.
-Dallin

Emperors Want to Conquer

It makes sense that emperors want to conquer. Imagine that France had won and controlled the entire American continent in the French and Indian War, leaving England without colonies. The economic development which could have formed out of such a success could have elevated France to a position of sufficient power to expand in Europe, taking control of the other countries around them.
Going along the same lines, if England still controlled the American continent, it is not a far stretch to think that they may now control a much greater share of the known world through empirical expansion.
If England kept the colonies, France may have one day ceased to exist.
If France kept the colonies, England may have one day ceased to exist.
What kinds of incredible knowledge and culture would be lost if all the world were English?
Even if they are greedy blowhards, emperors and kings serve an important purpose when they expand their power and lands: they preserve their culture and belief systems from being destroyed by the other cultures and belief systems.
It is as if all of the empires of the world check and balance each other with war to keep their ideas alive. I'm not a proponent of war or conquest, (in fact, all of the good things about war would be accomplished just as well if nobody ever went to war because nobody would attack and destroy other people and their beliefs) but I see now how it benefits society, culture, and human knowledge.
It makes sense that emperors conquer.

You Are Not Alone

Remember who you’re dependent on.
For food, you ought to thank the farmer. For life, you ought to thank God. For education, you ought to thank the teacher. For love, you ought to thank those who love you. Remember that you are not alone as long as you are alive - and you will be alive forever.
Everything you touch was made to remind you that you will never be alone because you depend on someone, and someone depends on you. If you don’t believe me, that’s fine! But if you do nothing in the world with your life, one day you will look back and see the people who needed you.
Maybe you can’t understand it now, but there are people who need you in exactly the same way that you need them. You are not alone.