Humanity

For a while, I've been working on the campaign team for a couple of my buddies who are running for student body president and secretary. They're great and I love them. I really believe that they are people who will do amazing things at WA.

Today I feel tired. I feel sad and lonely and disappointed with myself. I've become so wrapped up in winning these campaigns that I've stopped seeing other people as people. Only another person to sway or an enemy to be dealt with.

And to be clear, this post is about me. I, myself. Dallin Ward. It's not about anyone else in the campaign because I can't speak their feelings or experience. This is solely and completely mine. I accept this as mine.

I didn't realize how wrapped up I was until I chatted a guy in class to ask him about voting for my candidate. A guy who is my friend; someone who I've worked with and I love. I didn't ask him how he was or even regard him as a human. Everything I did was in efforts to get him to vote the way I wanted him to, and then damage control when it appeared he wasn't going to. At the end, I even made the remark, "By the way, nice comments in class today, bro." But I didn't mean any of it, and I think he felt that. It was an awkward situation for me, and it looked like an awkward situation for him. 

But GAHADFOIASF AF;AGAEGA SREGFI GUBAVDN SADOGI NASDGONA;OIF OSIF ;OWIHF;AOIUEIHT;OF8QIEYHT;OIGWHSNE;OILD HFN; OASDHNGL VKHASN; DFOHVA OLSDHGVN; OAIEHSFN; OAUEHR;OGIHS;OUHKF AOIHGN ;LAK A ;;ASDSD ;KSDA  LNL

GAH.

VULNERABILITY AND HUMANNESS ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANY OPINION, AND I LET MY OPINION CHANGE THE WAY I TREATED ANOTHER HUMAN BEING.

This is not okay with me. 

**Sigh** I'm tired. I'm done trying to convince at any cost. The ends do not justify the means. 

Simon Sinek says that he's such an effective speaker because, 

"I only speak what I believe, and I only says things that I know to be true."
I want to be like that. I'm done trying to beat other people. I'm done trying to convince myself that it's okay. I love people. That's what I do. This forceful, angry side of me isn't who I am. I want no part of it. If I am to succeed in this life, I want to succeed because I did what I knew to be right and did not give up my integrity to achieve any goal. My integrity is what gives me strength. 

So, today, I am going to do and say things I believe, and that's it. I'm also going to see if I can finish my checklist. It would be the first time I've finished a whole checklist in a very long time. I want to believe that I can do this. I can be the man that God wants me to be. I can. Heavenly Father, please help me. I want to be a better man. 

There is such pride and foolishness in my heart. I am such a flawed human being. I don't feel happy with myself. I act in hypocrisy and deceit more often than even I understand. I don't feel confident and pleased with myself. I feel proud and stupid and glum.
Oh Lord, please help me. I just want to be a better man.

Time Travel

I think that if humanity ever travels in time, it will be a concept entirely of perception, and not of physical being in time.
In a sense, we travel in time already. The stars that we see in the sky put off light that we see years after the light is actually put off by that star. We're seeing things as they were a hundred or a thousand years ago, not as they are now.
So, if at some future point, humanity happens to build a telescope well enough to find an inhabited planet elsewhere in the universe, we will be seeing the inhabitants as they were tens or even hundreds of years before the present moment.
Following those same lines, if humanity were to figure out how to travel faster than the speed of light, we could theoretically catch up to the light that reflected off of the Earth in years past, and literally watch history unfold.
It is also possible that there is more sophisticated life in the universe that already is watching the Earth, and may even have recorded our existence. Pretty cool, huh? :D
To go even further, if humanity could move faster than light, we also theoretically could catch up to the end of light, and watch the creation of the universe happen.

So, how did the Egyptians build the pyramids? 

I don't know. Ask the aliens.

The Council of Music

It seems to me that the reason humanity listens to music is to take council from it.

To feel identified with, understood, and like we belong. We don't actively seek out music which we don't identify with. We like music that is like us, and when we listen, we tend to take council from it.

The music we listen to strongly affects the way that we think and the choices we make. It is a real and visceral part of who we are.

Is the music that I listen to the kind of council I would like to receive, and is it like the man I want to become?

Teach the Children

If my children are to work, they must first see their parents working.

If they are to have joy, they must first experience their parents being joyful.

If they are to find meaning, they must first be educated by parents who understand meaning.

In essence, everything I want my children to be, I must first learn to be myself.

How to Find a Friend

I searched the world for a friend who would suit me, and returned home disappointed.
I searched my soul to find out why, and God taught me.
I searched the world for someone to serve, and found a friend in every place.

Peace

Peace is a timid creature who does not respond well to chasing. It will vanish from your soul like the turning of a light. Peace will not come when you are thinking of yourself. 

Peace transcends your being; it is greater than you are. If you limit your mind to your being, peace will not come. Open your mind, breathe, and be. Don't think. Transcend yourself. Be.

Let go of your fears, hopes, and memories. Allow them to drift and float in the empty space you have created. Examine them without judgment. Let them be, just as you are. After mindful examination, discard the negative, embrace the positive. Go forth with thankfulness.

Is peace the only thing which comes this way? What other words could fit in the place of peace? How can I apply this to my life?

On Courage and Emotion

At the end of all efforts, human emotion is not the thing which stops a person's progress, but the thing which allows them to go on. It is not a hindrance or a silly notion, but a real and visceral part of being alive. To deny emotion and to purposefully ignore its strength is to withhold yourself from the strongest thing inside of you, and the great efforts of the devil to subdue feeling is a testimony to its absolute power.

Apathy is a soul killer.

I admire the trait of emotion in my Mother. She feels so courageously. That's really hard for me. 

In the end, if I am to overcome the great test of life, I believe that I will have done so because I learned to open my heart to love, and give it freely to myself and all those around me; holding no part in reserve. How else can my soul be free?

As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you: continue ye in my love.

-Jesus Christ 

On Lucifer and Anger

And the second was angry, and kept not his first estate; and, at that day, many followed after him. 

 -Abraham 3:28

I wonder where Lucifer learned to be angry. Does anger come naturally to intelligent beings, or is it a learned trait? What can be learned about the premortal life from this scripture?

Public School and Living a Meaningful Life

I have such a desire to express angry feelings about the public school system. I want to rant and rave and yell about it. But I'm not going to do that. Anger just makes me weary. I do have things that I struggle with about it though.
At public school, I don't feel like I'm a human being. I feel like just another number. They really do give us numbers, in fact. Since the 1st grade I've had a number. We are told to memorize them, and identify ourselves by them at lunch time and in the library.

My name is Dallin Ward, and my number is 16054.

I am a member of the public school system.

Another future worker in the labor force of America.

I am not expected to understand, only to memorize.

I am expected to test well.

Tardiness and absence are never excused;

The school has got to get its money from somewhere.

They think that the way to teach children is to:

Sit them in desks for 8 hours.

Keep them quiet.

Teach them all the same lesson, all the same way.

Test them regularly with standardized tests.

Put students who just don't learn their way into, "Special Ed."

Give them even more work to do after 8 straight hours of schooling.

Keep them indoors.

Limit their recess time.

Creativity is seldom praised;

Work is based on performance only.

Effort means very little.

Students with hard lives outside of school -

Aren't taught how to overcome those things. 

Tough luck, huh kid?

Where is the part about love? Where is the part about vulnerability and openness and humanity?

Where did those things go?

"Yeah well, about the number thing, as the schools get larger, it's necessary for knowing who is who and billing purposes in the office and thing like that, and there's also.."

Yeah, I know, I get it. I understand why the numbers are a thing and why they are helpful. They really do make things more efficient. Let me phrase it this way:

To the parents of publicly schooled children, 

Do you really want your child to spend their most impressionable and formative years in a place where they are locked in a room for most of the day, and where they are taught by people who are too busy to know them as more than just another student among the masses? Of course this isn't always the case, but oftentimes it really is. Is that what you want them to know? Where is the part about living a happy and meaningful life? Where is the part about feeling fulfilled and loved and connected? Who will be there to tell them that they are important and worthwhile?

What did you do when you came home to your family last night? Did you turn on the TV? How about spend a couple hours on your phone? What were your children doing? Do they know that you love them? Do you actively do things to tell them that they matter to you? If you don't, shame on you. Yeah, I'm calling it. You are actively being a poor parent because you are too afraid to reach out to your very own children. I don't care how tired you are. They need your love. And if it's all you can do to give them a hug or read them a story, do it. Just do something. 

Are you working too much to spend any time with your family? Stop it. Cut your expenses, and work less. If your television costs you money to run, sell it. Is it really that important? If your smartphone is costing you too much money to take time off work, downgrade to a dumbphone. If you are going out to eat at the expense of needed time and money for your children, stop it. Make your meals at home. For their sake, teach your children how to cook! If your computer is distracting you from your family, get rid of it. Cut your internet if you have to. If you have debt that weighs you down, pay it off. Your children need you. 

Where else are they going to learn how to live a meaningful life?

"But my life isn't meaningful. How can I teach them something I don't know?" 

Well, you have to learn. Start with these books:

As A Man Thinketh

Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

The Power of Full Engagement

The Alchemist

The 8th Habit: From Effectiveness to Greatness

The Anatomy of Peace

How to Win Friends and Influence People

The Gifts of Imperfection

A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: How I Learned to Live a Better Story

Organizing Genius: The Secrets of Creative Collaboration

Read them one by one, and take notes. Don't rush it, but be constant. Don't stop. Keep moving forward! You can do this. It will take courage and you will really really hurt at times. There will be painful realizations, but you will overcome with consistent effort. 

You will live a meaningful life, and you can teach your children how to as well. They need you. Where else are they going to learn lessons like this? 

If you're more of a blog kind of person, here's a few blogs to follow that will help you live more meaningfully.

Mindful Fathering + Instant Insights

Zen Habits

The Stephen Palmer Blog

Mnmlist

The James Ure Blog

The Art of Manliness

Discover Share Inspire

Re:Focus
The Dave Ramsey Blog

To the children of the parents: don't think that you're a victim. You're not. If you want more meaning in your life, you need same thing as your parents. Educate yourself. If you want a good education, you're going to have to look to more than your public school. You will not be taught the right things there to live a happy life. Spend more time with your family. Open your heart, and allow yourself to be loved. It's going to be painful, I promise. Do it anyway. Your parents need you.

That's it for now. 

Love,

Dallin

Words From the Heart

Upon the death of his father, a wise man once wrote:

And upon these I write the things of my soul, and many of the scriptures which are engraven upon the plates of brass. For my soul delighteth in the scriptures, and my heart pondereth them, and writeth them for the learning and the profit of my children.
Behold, my soul delighteth in the things of the Lord; and my heart pondereth continually upon the things which I have seen and heard.
Nevertheless, notwithstanding the great goodness of the Lord, in showing me his great and marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth: O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities.
I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me.
And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins; nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted.
My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep.
He hath filled me with his love, even unto the consuming of my flesh.He hath confounded mine enemies, unto the causing of them to quake before me.
Behold, he hath heard my cry by day, and he hath given me knowledge by visions in the night-time.
And by day have I waxed bold in mighty prayer before him; yea, my voice have I sent up on high; and angels came down and ministered unto me.
And upon the wings of his Spirit hath my body beencarried away upon exceedingly high mountains. And mine eyes have beheld great things, yea, even too great for man; therefore I was bidden that I should not write them.
O then, if I have seen so great things, if the Lord in his condescension unto the children of men hath visited men in so much mercy, why should my heart weep and my soul linger in the valley of sorrow, and my flesh waste away, and my strength slacken, because of mine afflictions?
And why should I yield to sin, because of my flesh? Yea, why should I give way to temptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul? Why am I angry because of mine enemy?
Awake, my soul! No longer droop in sin. Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the enemy of my soul.Do not anger again because of mine enemies. Do not slacken my strength because of mine afflictions.
Rejoice, O my heart, and cry unto the Lord, and say: O Lord, I will praise thee forever; yea, my soul will rejoice in thee, my God, and the rock of my salvation.
O Lord, wilt thou redeem my soul? Wilt thou deliver me out of the hands of mine enemies? Wilt thou make me that I may shake at the appearance of sin?
May the gates of hell be shut continually before me, because that my heart is broken and my spirit is contrite! O Lord, wilt thou not shut the gates of thy righteousness before me, that I may walk in the path of the low valley, that I may be strict in the plain road!
O Lord, wilt thou encircle me around in the robe of thy righteousness! O Lord, wilt thou make a way for mine escape before mine enemies! Wilt thou make my path straight before me! Wilt thou not place a stumbling block in my way—but that thou wouldst clear my way before me, and hedge not up my way, but the ways of mine enemy.
O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever. I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh; for I know that cursed is he that putteth his trust in the arm of flesh. Yea, cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm.
Yea, I know that God will give liberally to him that asketh. Yea, my God will give me, if I ask not amiss; therefore I will lift up my voice unto thee; yea, I will cry unto thee, my God, the rock of my righteousness. Behold, my voice shall forever ascend up unto thee, my rock and mine everlasting God. Amen.