Pain is such a funny thing. It is so easy to become wrapped up in it and even to lose focus on a greater goal because of pain.
Even Christ, the greatest of all, when given His greatest challenge requested a respite from the pain. The thing that Christ did right is that He didn't lose track of where He was going - He still had a why. His fundamental why. It was deep, abiding, and solid. Even when He was suffering for the sins, pains, and afflictions of
all mankind there was a stillness inside of Him.
Recently I've read a lot of books on leadership, especially leadership within my own being. Here's a few things I've learned:
1) You have to have a firm foundation if you want to be a happy person.
The writers I read from didn't have the same foundations on the outside, but at the core they were very similar. They were steady, immovable, and unalterable. Not even the authors could change the foundations - their only choice was to stand on them or not. It was basically a belief and recognition that there is something greater than them in the universe, and the faith to move forward into extreme uncertainty as a result. They still may have worried, but their foundations were greater than anything they could come across, even the loss of their own lives and they understood this.
2) You have to bring other people with you if you want to be a happy person.
A firm foundation is great, and in situations where there truly is nobody else on the entire planet who you could possibly bring with you, it will sustain you all on your own. However, such situations hardly ever exist, and humans are social creatures. Not only are we social, we are imperfect. We NEED each other to overcome challenges. You know the twelve step program, yeah? It is said that if you make it through all of the first eleven steps, but fail to make it through the twelfth, you will go back to drinking every time. Why? I can't say for certain, but here's what it seems to me.
It's great to be addiction-free, and it's super freeing, but if you don't have a purpose and someone to share your experience with, your achievement will crumble and fall. Humans have a fundamental need to share with and lift and build other people. "I lift thee and thee lift me, and we will rise together." <-- that kind of a deal. In some ways, that's what writing here is for me. Writing is something I can do to share my experience in a way that can help other people. And I notice that when I'm struggling and I feel the urge to write, but don't, it slows my progress. I have a need to give something to the people around me. I have a need to use my pain and my joy to help other people understand theirs. It's freeing to be a human, and binding to be anything else. Allow yourself to be human, and bring other people with you along the way.
3) You have to learn to lean in to pain, discomfort, sorrow, and even joy.
Emotion is uncomfortable, and there are very few people in the world who just are naturally wholehearted in the sense that they are just plain unafraid to be who they are - messy emotions and all. This is where it gets rough. This is where one of my favorite quotes on my tack-board comes into play. "If your life is not hard, YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG." If you're not stretching your boundaries and seeing what you can actually achieve, you're not living as wholehearted of a life as you could be. Because doing hard things is a necessity to wholeheartedness, pain, discomfort, sorrow, and joy will all be results. And you will makes mistakes, I promise. Shift back to the firm foundation for a moment here, let's talk about that. No matter what you do, where you go, or how you've lived, you are enough. You are worthy, you are important, you are loved. Never let that move from your mind. This is a critical part of your firm foundation. Your actions are your actions, and you are you. They are separate and distinct, and Brene Brown talks about them beautifully in Daring Greatly. Go get the book, it's worth a read. It is important when doing hard things to remember to center yourself. Ask yourself,
"Why am I here?" "What is my purpose?" "How can I work right now toward the best outcome?"
then take time and actually answer the questions. Center the questions around your foundation. Bring yourself to center, then move forward. There is clarity and peace in remembering your foundation. Make this a habit.
This week I'm going into a situation that I see as being very uncomfortable for me in a couple of ways. Those are ways I am not going to discuss here for now, or maybe ever, but it has potential to be something that I feel pain, discomfort, sorrow, and joy all in different ways. That's the thing about it, I just don't know. It's incredibly uncertain, and my natural reaction is to shut down hard core. I don't want to do that this time. I want this to be one of the moments that I look back on and see as a turning point in my life. I want to lean in to pain. I want to experience sorrow. I want to smile at discomfort and I want to embrace joy. After all, I'm a human, and this is part of who I am.
Christ is the foundation, the rock that I stand on. He is immovable, he is steady, he is kind. I can rely on Him. 1 Corinthians 13 talks about charity, and Christ is the epitome of charity, so let's sub his name into this chapter:
1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not Christ, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.
2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not Christ, I am nothing.
3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not Christ, it profiteth me nothing.
4 Christ suffereth long, and is kind; Christ envieth not; Christ vaunteth not himself, is not puffed up,
5 Doth not behave himself unseemly, seeketh not his own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
8 Christ never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.
9 For we know in part, and we prophesy in part.
10 But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.
11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
12 For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.
13 And now abideth faith, hope, Christ, these three; but the greatest of these is Christ.
^^This is my rock. This is my foundation, and though all other things pass away, He will still be there. He cannot be moved, He will not be moved, and I can trust utterly and completely in His steadiness.
Because of Him, I can be unafraid to do hard things.
Because of Him, I can experience all emotion fully and without hesitation.
Because of Him, I can love completely, wholy, and unashamedly, and I can be free.
I can be free!
Praise be to Him forever.
