A Problem of Collective Omnipotence

 I wonder if modern society faces a problem of collective omniscience. If I don’t know the answer to a question, somebody online probably does, and they’ve probably written about it. I can read their answer. In this world where so many questions are answered, it is almost as if man himself has become the omniscient one, and it is hard to believe in a God whose answers do not come so readily. In many ways, it seems unnecessary to believe. This problem is compounded by the ease with which criticisms of any faith are accessed and digested. How can man be expected to believe in a faith that neither has clear answers about human existence nor a clean history and consistent doctrine? The internet is cleaner and more understandable than a supernatural God; it is less reproachable because it stands for nothing which might make of it a hypocrite. Through this genius means of communication, mankind himself has provided and will provide the answers that a God in heaven is unable, unwilling, or uncaring enough to give.

And so we have a creature who, for the strength of his own intelligence, will not look to God. I don't blame him, but I do not want to be him. I would be an Alyosha, and not an Ivan.

Mocking cannot change the truth

It seems that there must be an objective truth in the world, and if there is, no amount of mocking or denial could ever change that truth. Man cannot, for example, mock gravity; his only choice is to abide by the limitations which gravity imposes upon the world. If, in the relationship between man and the truth, man is the only one who can change and the only one who can die, then man should consider very carefully the consequences of attempting to live independently from the truth. 

If Jesus is the truth, living apart from Him would then have dire consequences. We should consider those consequences carefully.

A Return to Blogging, But Only For a Minute

It's been a really long time since I published here; I had forgotten how much my past self published on the world wide web. Reading through some of my old posts, I find some interesting pieces of memory, and marvel at how it conflicts with my current memories of those time periods. A lot of my earliest posts carried a deep sense of isolation, but I don't remember that isolation today as I must have experienced it back then. In my eyes today, teenage me was an awkward, innocent and sensitive soul, full of good intentions, harsh judgements, and lofty ideals. Present me doesn't agree with past me about everything I published, and I find much of it to be somewhat embarrassing, and endearing in an awkward way. Little me was trying to figure out the world, just in a manner a little more innocent than present me. 

The world is a really complicated place, and I haven't figured it out yet. But, I'm thankful for the opportunity to try. 

Since my last post, I worked in Alaska, my best friend from my childhood died, I got through a couple more years of college, I married a woman who is better than I deserved, I worked a sprinkler and backflow job, my wife and I had a beautiful little baby, I applied for my first real job (didn't get it, but that's okay), and my Dad died. It's been quite a journey.

I don't know if I'll get back to posting here soon. My suspicion is that it will be a long time. It is, however, nice to check in. I loved writing this blog. 

If you're reading this, and you decide to go into the deep dark archives of my publications, I implore you to take my past self with a gentle humor. He was a good kid. Though it's a bit embarrassing for me, I'm not going to take anything down that he wrote, because I know it's a futile effort thanks to the Wayback Machine on the Internet Archive, and the other internet sites that will have taken screenshots of my blog. Like it or not, those things I published are out there forever. And, that's okay. It took a lot of time to become a better person than I used to be, and there were a lot of bumps along the road. This blog is a great evidence of that.

Next year will be a decade of blogging. Here's to a decade, friends.

Truth as a Primary Motive

Any movement whose primary motive is not the truth will vary from the truth. Many causes will take a sliver of truth as their rallying point but then diverge from the truth in their message. Take Black Lives Matter, for example. It's an organization that rallies around a fundamental truth: the lives of black people really do matter. Then it makes further, less-true claims such as: white people are racist by simply being silent about racism, black people are racists if they don't agree with Black Lives Matter, America is a fundamentally racist country, etc. Black Lives Matter isn't devoted to speaking the truth and only the truth, and because truth isn't their primary objective, many half-truths are morally permissible in their organization. The same is true for other organizations.

I wonder, in what ways am I like Black Lives Matter? Which half-truths are morally permissible in my view of the world, and how can I devote myself more fully to the truth? What are the consequences of the lies that I allow myself to believe, and how would my life be different if I instead sought out the truth?

Focus and the Advantage of Necessity

Every disadvantage comes with a hidden advantage, and it's up to each man whether he will wallow in his disadvantage or find strength in the advantage that he has. Wallowing is not worth it because the hidden advantage is always there; the unconquered man will take it.

A disadvantage that I have is that I consistently have a hard time focusing on tasks and goals. This is especially apparent in my schooling, where I often allow thoughts and ideas unrelated to my studies to distract me from the homework at hand. The advantages, however, are enormous.
This tenancy to get distracted easily allows me to make connections between seemingly unrelated points that more focused people have a hard time making. It helps me to learn and experiment with new ideas and concepts, and I love that. Today I realized that lately it's given me another advantage: the advantage of necessity.
The advantage of necessity is the superhuman advantage given to a person when they have no choice but to perform or to fail. It's the same advantage that opens the mind of every student who has 2 hours to write a procrastinated paper, and allows indebted people to work two full time jobs to pay the bills.
In my case, the advantage of necessity operates in this way: I want to do well in my classes, and between school, work and Alyssa, I have a heavy load. I can choose to not focus and still get all of those things done, but I pay for it in lack of sleep, and lack of sleep over time makes my struggle to focus into a virtual inability to focus. Thus, sleep is essential. To get sleep, I must manage my time well. To manage my time well, I have to be able to trust myself that I'm going to do what I said I was going to do when I said I was going to do it. Thus, I have to focus. The need for sleep has finally become a need to focus, and now I have an advantage.
Focus is a struggle and a trial for me, but I'm thankful for the advantage that lies behind it. I will not be conquered by this.

Trust and the Cost of Peace

I yearn for the trials that will bring me to trust God with all of my heart, might, mind and strength. I think that somehow, if I could learn that, I could finally find peace.
What, then, is the cost of peace? Wilt Thou charge me it, Lord?

A Non-Married Man's Ideals Regarding Marriage

There is a certain ideal that I am determined to live as a married man. It is this:

To my darling wife,

If you suffer, I will suffer with you.
If you make a mistake, I will take responsibility for it with you.
If you are persecuted, I will put myself with you to be persecuted with you.
If you have a dream, I will chase it with you.
If you rejoice, I will rejoice with you.
I will not blame you nor will I speak poorly of you to other people.
I will not ignore you nor will I treat you as a lesser than I.
I will not belittle you, nor will I force you to do my will.
In short, I will love you as very best as I can, and I will be with you.

My limitations are human, and I'll have to ask you to suffer me as I make my own mistakes as well, but my love I will try to be the kind of man who is always true to God and because of faithfulness to Him I will be faithful to you. You must understand that He's the one who taught me to love other people and be with them, and I've been an imperfect student, but I am learning. You and He and I, together we will make a team, and we will run this race together.
In the end, it will have been better that, whichever paths we take, we take them together. Let's make it happen that way.

I love you, dearest.
-Dallin

Talking About Homosexuality

There is something wrong about the way in which we talk about homosexuality. We talk about "being" gay, and I fear that this is not an accurate description of reality so much as it is a linguistic tool of the Devil designed to confuse the children of God about who they are.
Men and women are children of God, and that's the best way to define them as a whole. Who they are and what they have are two very different things.
For example, a man may be a child of God and yet have temptations to become angry with other people. Such anger is not part of the being of such a man, but rather a poor choice that he makes on occasion. We may refer to him as an angry man, but our words cannot make anger part of his identity any more than our words can darken the sun; he is simply a child of God regardless of his human temptations.
The same may be said of people who struggle with homosexual temptations. No man is gay nor is any woman lesbian, but rather they are children of God who have sexual temptations towards people of their same gender, and if we would talk about their struggle less as a problem of identity and more as an overcomable temptation then perhaps fewer people would feel isolated and alone when such temptations arise; perhaps more people would be able to find help to overcome the temptation.
Let us consider the odd assumption it is to define a person's being by the temptations which they receive. In doing so, we allow not their Creator to define them, but the Devil who wishes to destroy them, for God gave them no such temptations and defined them in no such way. Any definition of a human being which does not come from God is prone to be a lie, for Satan is a liar, but God is not. Thus, humans ought to be defined with God's terms, and not the Devil's.
As we speak of such cases in the future, let us speak of humans who have a temptation, but not humans who are by definition in contrary to the law of their Creator, for He created no such person. Let us not fall into Lucifer's trap of defining people by their temptations, but rather let us glean their identity from the One who gave it to them. From this Giver, and only from Him, will we finally know the truth of the matter, and the truth will set us all free.

Writing and Transformation

I love to write because writing is the transformation of my ideas and feelings into a format that other people can read and understand. It clears my head and helps me to think. It also gives me perspective on my own problems because sometimes I can see through my writing how flawed I really am. Each time it's an experience that changes me, and I long for those moments. 

Sometimes writing even scares me because I don't know what ideas or beliefs I'll have at the end of what I write, but that's just fine because if I feel unsure about an idea I can just write more things and eventually I come to a solution.

The transformation of ideas within me changes me, and some of those who read it feel that change too. I like that a lot.

Observations of Light

I love to watch as the sunlight filters through my windows in the morning, filling the empty darkness with soft, clear light. Have you ever sat in the place where the light lands when it streaks through the window and observed it as it enters? If you sit and watch for long enough, you'll begin to notice the dust particles that float like little ships on a sea of air, ships like unto shadows; only visible in the direct sunlight. Once I waved my hands violently through the sea of light and a tsunami ensued, throwing the little ships this way and that beneath the terrible winds of my hands.
Sometimes dust can look like stars too if you can catch it right, though dust produces no light of itself. It makes me think that perhaps the stars in the sky don't produce light of their own so much as they reflect the light of the Creator.

The Union - a Poem of New Beginnings

Once there was a blogger with too many blogs,

He knew not quite what to do.

For he loved each one dearly and wrote on them all,

In the heights of his visions they grew.

So one day he took them and made them all one,

He lost not a post from any.

And now all his dreams are kept in the same place,

Come check one out, there are plenty!